Hi! I'm a drawing of Catherine. She does most of the writing here, including this blurb. (Does this count as writing in the third person?) Catherine believes that websites don't really run on technology, they run on emotions. If you agree, then she wants to help you rock it out and be awesome online.It’s time for another guest post!
Full disclosure: I kinda hated Jade Craven when I first encountered her. I couldn’t explain it. We had so much in common!
- She’s Australian
- Eight years younger than me
- We hang out in a lot of the same places
- She posted on blogs I read
- Pronounces “arse” correctly
- She has a great sense of humour
So why did I hate her?
*lightbulb*
I finally got it: Jade was like me, but much more successful. I was just starting out, teeny tiny with twelve subscribers, five of them family members. Jade was rocking it out: guest posting everywhere, making influential friends (and they were friends, she wasn’t just “networking”, she was making meaningful relationships with people I was staring at in awe) building products and websites and – scarcity thinking in action – already filling the Quirky Youngish Australian Woman quota. Grr, Jade.
Once I realised that’s what was going on in the tortured carnival of my head I got over it and just started enjoying her company. I’m glad I did, because she has a lot to teach and is very generous with her advice. Also, we can chat in the same timezone! With the same accent! About the same issues! And maybe I can help her as much as she helped me…
Take it away, Jade…
I have a confession: I am shit scared when I connect to new people. See, I used to have this crippling anxiety disorder. I’m recovering, but I worry about rejection. So do many of your idols. In this guest post, I’ll talk about specific social fears I had to overcome – and the awesomeness that ensued. I’ll also chuck in a discount to my awesome new ecourse at the end.
People say that I’m kicking arse online and that I came out of nowhere. The truth is that I had to challenge some of the huge fears immediately rather than build up my exposure. The first hurdle was a guest post on a HUGE blog.
My first guest post on Problogger
To have your first guest post on a top 100 technorati blog is like a guest posting crash course.. I wrote these at the height of my anxiety – about two months before I started on meds. And yeah, it was hard. Terrifyingly hard.
I wrote them because I was friends with Darren and he offered. I accepted because I thought it was an awesome opportunity. It was, but this bad boy scared the crap outta me. I barely slept the night before my post went live.
Guest posting anywhere is terrifying. You are putting yourself out there. You don’t know how their audience will react. You have to blog regularly to really understand the subtleties of how certain audience segments will respond.
But most of my success has come from leveraging that one opportunity. The guest post reviewing Dave Navarro’s ‘How To Launch’ ebook is the post that started everything. I’ve been able to leverage that one post, and what I learnt from it, to get where I am today.
Meeting people in Real Life
Tweetups. One on one meetings. Conferences. I do them all and they scare the shit out of me.
I find most social contact really draining. I struggle if I have to meet more than one person. It’s horrid when you are in a crowded bar or conference centre and have to shout to be heard.
Despite the ickiness, I’ve found that going to meetups is totally worth it. I:
- Got my first job thanks to a tweetup organizer
- Met my business partner at a tweetup
- Stayed at the house of a friend while I was in Sydney. I met him at a tweetup.
Tweetups have been great for personal and professional gain. It has opened me up to so many opportunities
Thank you Catherine.
I’m very open about my anxiety, but I am terrified that it will cause people to reject me. Catherine helped me realize that my pesky little mental illness has actually been a good thing. Its made me push past fears that would paralyze most people.
I’ve released an e-course about networking with bloggers called ‘Beyond Networking – How to Get the A-Listers On Speed-dial.” It has been terrifying to challenge my fear of selling something but has been totally worth it.
As a thank you to Catherine, I’ve set up a special page for readers of Be Awesome Online. It has an exclusive discount on my course. You can also hit me up on twitter if you need social media help.
Thank YOU, Jade!
*sniff*
Now I feel really bad about hating her back then.
Our interview for the Awesome Fear-Wrangling resource is inspiring as hell. Jade has a LOT to say about fear and her triumphs over it.
Come say hello to her in the comments! She’s definitely someone worth getting to know.
[Disclosure: Jade gave me a free review copy of her resource, which she describes as "how to connect with the big guns without being sleazy". I thought it was awesome, although I was furious she didn't go back in time and release it six months ago when I needed it most.
Also, if you purchase a copy through the e-junkie link, I get paid a percentage. If you want to give all of your money to Jade (and why wouldn't you?) buy it through this link instead. Either way, you can use the super-special discount code.]
Hi Catherine and Jane,
Glad you two Aussie delights found each other! Enjoyed your info on guest posting. Will check out the link to your product. Have done a few and enjoyed them. Introduced me to a whole new crowd. Fun to meet people from all over the world!
You've really brought fear and blogging together here quite nicely. Why be afraid to ask someone you've struck up a relationship with to either a) guest post for you or b) let you guest post for them? Decide in your head that, “Of course, they'll want me to do a guest post!” Why not TRY to get rejected? Good way to get yourself out there.
Look forward to hearing more from both of you.
Thanks,
Giulietta, Inspirational Rebel and Comment Fairy
Sorry I meant Jade! I'm not afraid to tell you that I made a mistake …
G.
G, as always you're a delight to read.
“Why not TRY to get rejected? Good way to get yourself out there.” That's genius!
Awesomeness, love the post!
“I am shit scared when I connect to new people.”
Isn't that funny? I'm not so scared to meet people in person as much as I'm scared to death when I put my stuff out there. (That happens when I push “publish”) But now I'm all up in arms and “shit scared” working on my first product.
It's all relative isn't it?
Love your blog and the post simply rocked it out with good insight and authenticity. I think you stole my last blog post though
See you again soon!
Dudette, you should see how many names I screw up. I call it anxiety brain. I know their real name but I accidentally mispronounce it. Tis cool.:-)
I've learned a lot from pushing through my fears. A lot more than I would have if I let them rule me.
Let me know if I can ever help you
I try to be useful… even when I'm babysitting a toddler with an obsession with my iphone.
Oh you're post is awesome! I actually wrote this a week ago – it wasn't finished, but I was too scared to send it to Catherine.
I just released my first product and the fear was hard to push through. I struggled to write the final guide of the workshop. I struggled writing the last draft of the sales page. I'm too scared to even mention it on twitter.
I used to be scared to publish posts and put myself out there. I did it so often I learned to work through the fear.
Thanks, Tony. I like your style
I adore that post. It summarised all the stuff I'm trying to say in Awesome Fear-Wrangling, with far fewer words!
Hey, Jade – it gets a lot better once you've been medicated for a while. I've had an anxiety disorder as long as I can remember. I've been on an SSRI for about 8 or 9 years now. I'm just like a normal person. Well, mostly normal. (-: I think I've only had one or two panic attacks in the last three years or so. Funny, I should have discussed that during my interview with Catherine, but I honestly don't think about it that much anymore – isn't that amazing!?!?
And I still feel fear all the time from pushing myself further and further, but I manage it SO much better. I appreciate you stepping out and talking about your mental health, because there is such a stigma about it. I'm always open about it with all my friends and family in case I can help some of them. I love that you are getting out there and doing such big things in spite of the fear and to spite the fear!
Damn girl. 'tis me thats jealous of you. You seem to be continually pumping out awesomeness, and taking new chances, and having amazing adventures on top of a day job.
Honestly? I'm jealous of everyone all the time but don't have the room in my head to deal with it so i push those feelings aside
Its… this business is hard and its sorta an assault on your ego.
Oh gosh bananas in pajamas is on. The joys of babysitting and working.
That's wonderful, Wendy. You know that things are okay when you forget that they're a problem.
You're both a big pair of inspirations. It's so great to have you around!
Let's agree that we're both totally awesome in our own ways.
And be grateful for those distracting bananas…
Much appreciated Jade! There's nothing we can't make it through and look back and laugh on when it comes to this online thing. Keeping rocken out like you are.
P.S. I can't tell you how many posts I have sitting “waiting for my attention,” so I know the feeling
Especially when we surround ourselves with supportive, useful and awesome people.
I adore you, Twitter. *hugs Tweetdeck*
Jade, very cool article. I know you because of your connection with Darren. I totally relate to your fear issues. I don't like crowds myself and have a very hard time stepping out of my comfort zone even though everything inside me wants to. I am also stepping up my guest-posting, so this couldn't be more timely for me (found out today that I will have a guest post published on a certain big blog that you are familiar with!!).
Stepping out of the comfort zone is not a fun thing. Some people don't understand the paralysis that comes with the fear. But making it relationship based and viewing it as making friends is helpful.
And Catherine, it is so funny that you “hated” Jade at first. I have been discovering lately that successful people are normal people, with some of the same problems we think only we have! That is a nice thing to know.
Ps. Adding your blog to my RSS feed right now. First visit here but you really rocked the awesome, so I look forward to more!
Holy crap, Wendy, I never would have guessed. I love how honesty brings out the best in us all. I too have anxiety issues but stopped taking an SSRI several years ago for personal reasons. One thing that seems to be helping now is diet. I've given up caffeine, dairy, sugar, yeast & gluten. Gluten seems to be the big one for me.
Jade, thank you for being so open. You have blazed a trail for the rest of us.
That IS genius. I would make it my new policy but my real fear is that I won't follow through after I've been ACCEPTED. Like the guest post I'm supposed to be writing for you! Getting on that right now…
Yeah, I don't need Freud to explain that it wasn't really Jade I hated, more the insecurities she represented. I'm super-duper glad I got a handle on that!
So glad to see you here! Hope to see you around more.
Wait until you hear our interview. It'll blow your socks off!
I love you right now. I freakin' love you. I've been on meds for a year. And things are stable(ish). I'm a lot better than what I was last year but I'm also really sick. And, over the past two months, its been eating me up. I now have the motivation but not the energy to do everything I want. It was really frustrating me because I know recovering is slow, but didn't know if I was capable of being 'normal' again. gosh. Being so well that you kinda forget you have it? thats my ideal.
And thanks. I worry that talking about mental health is going to bite me in the arse big time. Its… unavoidable to talk about though. It impacts everything I do. My main motivation now is so that people understand I'm not ignoring them when I drop off the earth to deal with stuff that comes up.
Thank you. Honestly. You make me feel that pushing through all this will be worth it and I'll be able to accomplish everything I want to one day.
This is my favourite comment ever. Just by itself, it has justified every single bit of work I have done to get here.
Thanks Lavonne. I find that certains foods are triggers. I'm not ready go off.. I'm on effexor. SSRI's didn't work with me and I'll admit I'm too scared to see what life would be off meds.
I'm not ready to cut out whole food groups. My tummy is spazzy sometimes but I do agree that caffeine is a trigger. I'll work on cutting it out (chocolate) again.
Dudette I'm as insecure as they come. They never go
Its up to you whether you let them eat you up or you become friends with the 'competition'. Like, I helped Johnny b truant when he first started and now he's totally kicking arse but despite that, he still is very greatful and kind. I have no need to be jealous – i just have to be glad of the friendship thats there.
Dudette. What happens if you don't follow through? Just explain to the person why you are not. Say whether its insecurities, or being busy. Most people are really cool and will help out
My life is crazy. Its my choice – I choose to help family, put a lot into my blog and start a small business. People know I can't always meet commitments. They are cool to wait a bit while I get shit together coz they know the outcome will be awesome.
Have you thought of doing a post about 'trying to get rejected?' I think that would be a fascinating concept.
It seems I'm only known for being connected to Darren – have been trying to steer away from that. But when its relationship based, its so easy. I'm so focused on being helpful to my friends that the fear doesn't come until the post goes live. By that time, there are usually a lot of positive comments and I realize I overreacted.
People also don't understand the desire to run – fast – when the fear is too overwhelming. To just get offline for a few days because its just too darn hard. again, by making it relationship based, I avoid running because I genuinely want to hang out and send cheeky tweets/DM's to friends.
Glad you liked it. It was half finished – but Catherine said she was writing something and i sent it through anyway and I had no reason to fear it being posted
- Jade
Yipes, you're giving me an anxiety attack! I don't mind being honest about my fears — as long as I don't have to face them. If I do a post about trying to get rejected, that would mean I'd have to actually try to get rejected. Which wouldn't bother me a bit [well, maybe a little] but all I can think is, “What if I got accepted? Then I'd have to produce something!” Aaaand it's back to yipes.
I can't wait!
Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I was giving advice. I'm just a little proud of myself for finally getting control of my diet. Had to brag a bit.
Dudette, its totally worth bragging about. You should have read my tweets when I finally caught a plane and realized it was be nothing to be scared about
Bragging is part of the journey and as long as you do it tastefully, its sweet. I'm just not good at taking advice because I'm early in the recovery journey and need baby steps. Lots of baby steps 
… like jumping out of a plane.
Oh my gosh! I freakin' love you too. Watch out! Now it's a room full of crazy people in love!
I think that all of the things you are talking about and doing completely inspires people. And it makes you who you are. Anxiety, panic, depression…they can be absolutely debilitating. But, it sure does make a person resilient if you keep fighting back. You get knocked down for a while and then you get back up.
And maybe you aren't fully seeing what you are already achieving, but you are blowing most people's progress away. So, as far as reaching your goals, I have no doubt you'll kick any door down that you want.
As for Skydiving? Sheesh…I'm a big puddle of Xanax on a plane. But you go, girl. Kick fear's ass (arse).
Finding something that works..it's very nice. (-:
Thank you for this post! I also have anxiety issues (don't take meds, though), so it's reassuring to know that I'm not the only one. We've talked before Jade, and I think it's so cool that you have managed to overcome your fears and put yourself out there. I even hate talking on the phone, so I guess I have a loooong way to go. :S
Thanks for sharing that Kathleen. If you read the comments it's very clear you aren't alone.